


We Tried So Hard to Live in Truth

by hedgerowhag



Series: Act of Violence and Consequence [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Hux just wants to sleep, Kylo is a useless puppy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6554305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgerowhag/pseuds/hedgerowhag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Four months after the events of '<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530053">Our Hands Will Never Be Clean</a>'.)</p><p>“Hux.” He hears behind him but doesn’t stop. “Hux,” Kylo tries again, “will you just stop for a second.” </p><p>Sharply, Hux halts. They are standing on the pavement between a busy road built up with traffic and a plaza where teenagers and couples sit on the steps beneath a fountain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Tried So Hard to Live in Truth

**Author's Note:**

> i was [TH](http://beeeeebeeee.tumblr.com/)IS close from writing them screwing
> 
> EDIT: in case anyone is wondering, im not going to actively write for this series again. if anyone has any questions about the series, feel free to ask me on [tumblr](http://beeeeebeeee.tumblr.com/)

Of course, everything fucks up on a Tuesday.

Hux wakes up in Kylo’s apartment, finding himself sprawled in a ripped arm chair, his legs dangling over one armrest as he curls in on himself against the back. It takes a moment for him to realise that his phone is buzzing.

There is a call – it always starts with a call, doesn’t it? – to tell Hux that Kylo is held at the local police station for assault at a bar.

The first thing that Hux asks if the ‘victim’ has been injured, if they have been brought into hospital. After beat of silence the office assures him that it’s nothing that they won’t be able to sleep off. They are not pressing any charges because they feel it was equally their fault.

However, if the police hadn’t intervened things might have ended very differently, the officer says.

 

The station is a short walk away so Hux doesn’t bother taking his car that he parked in a secure garage. It’s late in the evening but it’s still warm, the air humid and clammy, devastating any idea of hiding under a heavy coat.

When Hux arrives at the police station he is still rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He tells the desk sergeant who he is there for and sees the man raise his eyebrows, twisting his lips before nodding.  

Muttering incoherent words, the sergeant leaves to collect Kylo, the lump of keys clincking unbearably through the corridor. Hux wonders if he should be thankful the station is relatively empty.

 

There aren’t any cuts, only a minor bruise on the cheekbone and a split lip. By any measure, it’s not much. There is a sullen expression on Kylo’s face, he doesn’t meet Hux’s eyes even as the other glares at him with every bit of hatred and disappointment he can muster.

As the sergeant retrieves the personal belongings that were taken during the search, he begins to speak, “You know, mister …?” He looks up, one eyebrow cocked.

“Hux.”

“Is that a first name or a last name?”

Hux says nothing, grinding his teeth together.

“Well Mr. Hux, I may not have been when they arrested this one but my colleagues that were said that he was like some mad animal; he pummelled the poor fucker like a punch bag or something and wouldn’t stop when they tried to pull him off.” Hux can almost feel Kylo cringe beside him. “If I were you I would stay away from him, keep a good one-mile distance. He needs a psych evaluation, I’m telling you.”

Hux snatches the items out of the officer’s hands, not bothering to check if everything is there, and shoves them into his pockets.

“Thank you for everything sergeant,” he grits out before turning on his heel and stalking out of the station, he knows that Kylo is following him.

 

After all they have said and promised, it feels like an insult; Kylo had promised to do everything he can to control himself, take anger management classes if he must. Hux had given his precious time in order to help Kylo gain his control even though it really isn’t his duty. It really does feel like a fucking insult.

Hux stalks through the city at a pace that makes his breath hitch and legs ache but he doesn’t relent.

“Hux.” He hears behind him but doesn’t stop. “Hux,” Kylo tries again, “will you just stop for a second.”

Sharply, Hux halts. They are standing on the pavement between a busy road built up with traffic and a plaza where teenagers and couples sit on the steps beneath a fountain.

“What?” Hux snaps, turning to face Kylo. He looks tattered, frayed at the edges as if he hasn’t slept for days. “What the hell do you want Kylo?”

It takes a moment for him to form words. “Why are you so angry?” slowly Kylo tries.

“Why— why am I angry?” Hux chokes in disbelief. He stalks to where Kylo stands, keeping several feet between them. “You assaulted someone today, you beat them bloody and you wouldn’t stop. You’re lucky that they didn’t press charges out of some misplaced sense of charity.” Hux’s voice rises in volume and some passer-bys give them odd looks – he doesn’t notice.  

“Please, do you have to shout?” Kylo asks softly, nervously watching the catching glances.

“Where everybody would see if something was to happen?” Hux’s volume doesn’t lower, ignoring the way Kylo flinches. “Yes, Kylo, I have to shout.”  

Kylo says nothing, looking away as Hux pants from the outburst, eyes wide with rage.

“They started it.” Of course, it’s the wrong thing to say.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Hux charges forward until there is barely any space left between them. “You sound like a fucking _child_. It doesn’t matter who started it. What matters is that you _assaulted_ someone.”

“I am sorry,” Kylo mutters, looking down onto the pavement.

“No. No, you’re really not,” Hux turns away and stands with his back to Kylo. He covers his face with his hands, takes several deep breaths before straightening his back and facing Kylo once more. “Can you at least be honest with me and tell me if it was just a fight or something else,” Hux's voice is calmer now, expression exhausted.

“It was just a fight.”

“Are you being honest? Because if you’re not I am going to get my car and you won’t see me again.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” And Kylo seems to be genuinely hurt by the assumption. His eyes are searching Hux’s face for a glimpse of forgiveness.

Hux folds his arms, words gentler than they had been moments ago as he speaks, “Next time you get into shit of your own choice and if whoever is on the receiving end is not a saint, I won’t be able to get you out of it.”

“I understand,” Kylo reassures, stepping forward until space is scarce between them. Though there are only a few inches of difference in their heights, Kylo seems to loom impossibly, blocking the light of the streetlamps and the sight of the passing pedestrians.

“I hope you do,” Hux sighs. “Let’s go.”

They walk slow, almost side by side but Kylo hangs back. The public drifts around them, parting as they meander through the crowded streets.

Hux pretends not to notice when a touch brushes against his clenched fist, gentle fingers smooth against his tensed knuckles. 

 

There is a distinct smell to the streets that surround the apartment block: a mixture of beer, vomit and piss. But at least there is quiet – after the sun falls the majority of the residents are too afraid to leave the walls of their homes. The streetlights don’t work, but that is only a minor issue.

The lamps on the staircase flicker and buzz, the elevator doesn’t work, it’s difficult to remember when it has. They take the stairs slow, Hux still leading the way as they make it to the third floor.

The apartment door looks as if it has been kicked more than it has been opened, there are scratches on the lock. When Kylo opens the door the space seems impossibly wide, but it’s only because everything has been packed away into boxes and left to stand in a corner.

The sad tattered armchair slouches beside a rusting lamp and Hux thinks that he has never been more comfortable as he falls into the nest of padding and broken springs. He watches the light skim on the ceiling as he listens to Kylo walk through the apartment, clicks echoing as doors are opened and closed.

It has been several months since Kylo decided to see his parents, stay with them for three weeks, giving time for their hopelessly wrecked relationship to heal. It’s the summer holidays and Rey will be going with him to visit her uncle and aunt – a small buffer in the potentially tense situation.

Kylo isn’t taking much with him, everything that he is leaving behind is packed or thrown out in the preparation for him moving from the shack of an apartment. It will all remain in boxes in Hux’s apartment while he is on his annual vacation to England for two weeks – London and then Cheshire to see his mother.

Hours before he got the call Hux came from work to help Kylo with the last of the packing. He planned on taking a moment to rest his eyes when Kylo went for his evening shift at the bar, not realising how he fell into deep sleep. Hux knew the afternoon had been too good for the calm to continue, too much like a glossed movie scene before the serial killer knocked on the door.

A tap is switched on in the kitchen, a strong jet of water pouring against the metal, muffled and then switched off. A cupboard opens and closes, something rustles and socked feet softly shuffle over lino floors. With the heel of his palm propping his cheek, Hux feels himself begin to doze.

“You can go home if you want.”

With a sigh Hux considers but says nothing.

“I can manage on my own.”

“No, you can’t.” Hux opens his eyes and sees Kylo standing beside him, watches his hand brush against the armrest.

“You’re so tired.”

“I’m fine.”

There is silence for a long moment but then he hears Kylo whisper softly, “What if I said that I want to kiss you?”

“I wouldn’t stop you.”

It’s only a chaste press of lips against his cheek, like a child offering their first crush a peck, but Hux already feels his mind begin to melt, a clenched fist falling mellow and lips parting. Kylo moves away and then he is in full view.

“Is this how you apologise?” Hux asks, he has already forgotten his anger.

“No,” Kylo laughs, still so close he only needs to whisper. “This is how I say ‘thank you’. I will apologise later.”

He moves in again, lingering only briefly to give Hux time to push him away, but that never comes. So Kylo kisses the corner of his mouth, tongue brushing briefly against Hux’s lips. He moves down towards Hux’s jaw, gently scraping his teeth against skin.  

Suddenly, Hux takes Kylo by his shirt and pulls him down, unbalancing Kylo and forcing him to fall forwards. A heavy bloom of blush takes over Kylo’s skin as he finds himself straddling the lap of the man beneath him, his weight resting on Hux’s thighs and folded legs pressed against the armrests.

Then, they are truly kissing, with teeth and tongue, the blood from Kylo’s split lip tangles in the taste. Kylo cradles Hux’s jaw in his wide palms, brushing down to the nape of his neck and into his hair. He moans into the kiss as he feels Hux wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him closer, fingers trailing on the border between his skin and belt. Kylo pulls away and draws his thumb over Hux’s bottom lip, the flesh red and slick with spit.

“You’re going to miss me,” Kylo grins.

“I’m really not.” Hux maintains a blank expression, his hands resting low on Kylo’s hips, allowing his hands drift under the layers of clothes, pressing Kylo into him, the pressure teasing.  

“You will,” Kylo laughs, suddenly standing from Hux’s lap. He grasps Hux by the waist and hips, pulling him forward. “You will miss me whining and getting into shit,” he says, lifting Hux up and holding him against himself by his thighs. “You will miss me being a useless child.” Hux wraps his legs around Kylo’s hips and they are standing in the middle of the room like that, Hux held up with barely any effort.

“You will miss looking after me,” Kylo sighs with a dopey smile

 “I really wont,” Hux protests. “As soon as you’re gone I’m going to go and buy six bottles of champagne and celebrate.” He says so but his legs tighten around Kylo. “Maybe I won’t even go to England, just stay at home and enjoy the silence.”

“You really hate me.”

“Yes, I really, really do.”

But that seems like an odd thing to say because a second later they are kissing again and Hux is smiling. His hands are tangled in Kylo’s shirt that smells of stale alcohol but he tastes none on his tongue.

Kylo carries Hux through the apartment into the bedroom where the lone metal frame bed stands. The layers of paint and paper have been ripped away from the walls like tree bark, stained yellow by smoke and growing with mould in the corners.

Carefully, Hux is set down on the bed, the mattress and frame creaking below him. Kylo kneels in front of him, resting his head against Hux’s knees. They move no more, breathing together in the silence of the room.

“It’s going to be so weird,” Kylo mutters.

“Huh?” Hux is drawing his hands through Kylo’s hair, twisting the locks around his fingers. He has never allowed himself to do this in the years they have known each other, so he indulges as much as he can.

“Moving in,” Kylo explains, pressing into Hux’s hands. “Afterwards, when you and I come back.”

“Oh,” Hux tries hard not to smile. “I guess it will make it easier for me to make sure you’re not doing something stupid.”

Kylo turns his head and watches Hux, silent and unmoving though his knees are beginning to ache from resting on them on the floor. “I’m going to miss you,” Kylo whispers as he pushes up, bracing against Hux’s thighs. They are nose to nose, lips almost brushing.

“We’ve known each other for almost eleven years, and you’re only going to miss me now?”

“Nope, _now_ I’ve just got an excuse to say it. I’ve always hated watching you leave.”

And then, Kylo leans in – he is ready to apologise.

 

 

 

 

When Kylo wakes up he knows it’s too early; the sunlight is red on the ceiling, fading and regaining its brightness as clouds shift across the sky. The heat hasn’t yet returned and the air is pleasantly cool.

Kylo rolls over and groans, feeling his bones ache. The sheet slips off his skin, catching on the dried trails of sweat. Looking across the bed, Kylo startles and curses himself for it.

It takes a moment for him to realise what he is seeing: Beside him, Hux is sleeping, his hair is tousled and back relaxed, pale freckled skin washed by the red of the rising sun. There are bruises on his neck that have been chased with teeth and salved with kisses. Kylo wants to renew them, but he has yet to gain permission.

Slowly, Kylo reaches towards Hux, hand hovering above his shoulder – he doesn’t dare touch, watching Hux’s side rise and fall. He begins to lower his fingers, gently brushing the tips over that pale skin. His breath hitches when Hux groans, but he doesn’t wake. He waits until Hux’s breathing evens out again before letting his hand settled on Hux’s arm. He sleeps.

Kylo leans in closer again and rests his forehead against the freckled back and allows their breathing to fall into rhythm.

It feels so odd to even consider that they are lying together in the same bed, sober and safe, entirely naked without embarrassment. They had once even refused to consider each other as _friends_ , and now…

Whatever they have become, Kylo is thankful for this man that is willing to drag him up from the vomit stained floor, from the mess of blood and flesh, into a sense of sanity and safety. Eternally grateful for every moment of kindness despite never deserving it, despite every cruel thing he had ever done.

Kylo doesn’t remember why he had done it, but the first time he touched Hux was to choke him. Though he will never know the reason for it, Kylo will always remember the bruises and the ache in Hux’s voice the next day. He has never forgiven himself for it and it took Kylo a long time before he allowed himself to touch him again.

Though Hux wants to appear so cold and uncaring, the warmth in him is suffocating. Maybe that’s why he never did anything to pay back for that instance of violence. 

He wonders if Hux thinks he has done enough to show how thankful he is, but Kylo knows it will never be enough. But still, Kylo will try.  

He kisses Hux’s back, barely applying pressure as he travels up to the shoulder, brushing his lips against Hux’s neck and the shell of his ear – trying to savour the taste of every portion of his skin, should he disappear when he wakes.

Hux groans again, turning over to face Kylo. “Ky— is something wrong?”

Pressing kisses to his cheek Kylo hushes Hux, “No, nothing is wrong, go back to sleep.”

Hux nods and draws his arms around Kylo’s waist. It almost seems as if he has forgotten his act as he presses his face against Kylo’s neck, sighing into his skin before drifting off.

It seems too easy, the way Kylo kisses Hux’s hair and breathes in the smell, returning the embrace with no hesitation.

Maybe tomorrow it will be different, but for now he will enjoy what he has been given.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
